Framing Your Way To Fulfillment
Three Strategies for Prioritizing What Matters
"What do you know about jeans?"
My son asked me this question just as I had settled in on the couch with a book, which, if you are a mom, you probably know will go out like a bat signal to any creature nearby looking to start a conversation or in need of some attention.
I gladly put my book aside for the chance to chat with him because these chances are fewer and farther between these days. I launched into a litany of ideas so wide-ranging that I sort of blanked out and only came to when I was wrapping it up with the Buddhist hungry ghost allegory.
"So, you see, it's like we all have this deep hunger for something, but when we try to feed it with a fixed thing like an achievement or product, it never quite satisfies. You know?"
My son blinked. No, he didn't know. He pulled out his phone and showed me a picture of vintage 501's he found on Depop.
"I was just wondering if you think these are a good brand and if fifty bucks was a good deal?"
He must have been in a generous mood that day because he added,
"But that was a cool story."
The Everything Everywhere All At Once Mind
I've often wondered why I am like this. It can be insufferable, internally, and most definitely for people who love a conversationalist who gets right to the point. I see meaning and possibility in almost anything and everything.
When the movie "Everything Everywhere All At Once" came out, I remember feeling relief, not necessarily for an explanation of why I am like this, but at least for having a name for it beyond an ADHD diagnosis I never prioritized to work into the schedule to get.
That's it, I thought, I have an everything everywhere all at once kind of mind.
On the plus side, it means I'm rarely bored, often inspired, and coming up with ideas is never a problem. (Seriously, if you need a business idea or brand title, it's a hidden talent of mine.)
On the downside, choosing what to give my time and attention to is flustering at best and anxiety-spiraling at worst. When all the players seem equally talented and earnest, it hurts to make cuts to the team.
The Potential Loophole
When everything feels potentially interesting and important, you can get stuck in this loophole: it can all work because it all seems like it matters, so then you can’t choose what matters and struggle to make anything work.
In executive functioning speak (my professional language), that particular challenge falls under "planning and prioritization."
When I recently started back at executive functioning coaching after a long hiatus, my goal with clients was clearer than ever. The purpose of functioning isn’t productivity as the outcome. The purpose of functioning is fulfillment. A myriad of interesting ideas and inspiring prospects, of talents and abilities, don't help with fulfillment unless you're able to pull one of them off the shelf and make it function in life.
In order to function in all this infinite potential, we’re going to need a frame.
Framing Fulfillment
When you have an everything-everywhere-all-at-once kind of mind, framing a set of priorities can feel arbitrary. You're onto the fact that the frame is just something you made up. That's okay. The paradox is that even if the frame is just a made-up figment of your imagination, it helps you make other figment-y concepts you care about, like fulfillment, creativity, love, and confidence, into real, live experiences you can have with your senses.
The frame draws a box around the infinity of potential so that we can see a fixed point that can receive our time and energy.
Three Strategies for the Everywhere Mind
Here are three of my favorite exercises for creating frames to prioritize and stop the inertia of indecision when prioritization is hard:
1. The Matrix
Any matrix other than the trippy Keanu Reeves kind will do. The most famous one in planning is the urgency/importance matrix, but I like categorizing fuzzy things into any 4 main quadrants of my choosing. The point is just capturing what feels unwieldy into 4 neat little boxes.
For example, when trying to figure out how to be a good citizen during these overwhelmingly worrying times, I drew 4 quadrants and batched my ideas into categories, and it all seemed suddenly more in my control. I used “self, neighborhood, city, and country,” but you might also use, “as a parent, as a woman, as an ally, as a neighbor.” Can’t decide which of the gazillion new healthy lifestyle ideas to add into your routines, but want to get started somewhere? You might try: “home, body, relationship, work” or “definitely doable, need some help, undecided, and not feasible.” Draw some frames and see how fuzzy ideas come into focus to take action on.
2. The 1-5 Scale
When deciding from a long list of good ideas or a long task list, I rate each along a scale of my two good friends: EASY and EFFECTIVE.
Hardest to easiest to implement
Least to most effective at creating the quality of life I want
The ideas with highest ratings in both categories go to the top of the list.
3. Choose Once and Make It Work
This strategy is a mashup of wisdom from Kendra Adachi (The Lazy Genius) and the catchphrase from fashion expert/TV personality Tim Gunn.
Adachi’s 'Decide Once' is all about cutting down on brain clutter by making certain choices (like what to wear or pack for lunch) just once and then sticking with it until it doesn’t work anymore. It saves your mental energy for stuff that matters while giving you some helpful guardrails to work within.
In my life this looks like:
Choosing my top 3 priorities for tomorrow at the end of the day, instead of evaluating all day long.
Deciding that certain days are dedicated to certain categories (Monday is scheduling day, Tuesday is novel writing day)
This pairs perfectly with Tim Gunn's catchphrase and general vibe from OG Project Runway: "Make it work." Because deciding once works so much better when paired with faith that no matter what the choice, you can rely on your spirit and ability to land where you need to if things go off the rails and you suddenly have to make a cocktail dress out of venetian blinds and fern fronds in 3 hours.
You might call “Decide Once and Make it Work” the Steve Jobs turtleneck of prioritization strategies. And guess who else likes a turtleneck?
Of course, the unexpected will sometimes crack a gaping hole through our frames just so we’re still aware that all that mystery and infiniteness and uncertainty exists out there. It’s why I always remember to place some sort of self-compassion practice among those priorities, no matter what kind of mind you have. I remember to love the framer and not the frame.
with love,
Tricia
Do you have an "everything, everywhere" mind? What do you do to make it work?
Loved how you framed fulfillment. And I also try to list my top three priorities for the next day. It helps me stay focused:)
This is sooo you! Mom